Rewritten Moby's Natural Blues

[Billy Underdog]

Me and my band-mate agreed yesterday (in a drunken haze) that we'd cover a slow and heavy version of this really well-known hit-song.
But we would ofcourse need new lyrics. So here's what i wrote:

Original
Moby - Natural Blues

oh lordy, trouble so hard
oh lordy, trouble so hard,
don't nobody know my troubles but God
don't nobody know my troubles but God

went down the hill, the other day
my soul got happy and stayed all day
went down the hill, the other day
my soul got happy and stayed all day

oh lordy...

went in the room, didn't stay long,
looked on the bed and brother was dead
went in the room, didn't stay long,
looked on the bed and brother was dead

oh lordy...

My version - (U)Natural Blues

Oh lord yeah, travellin' so high
Oh lord yeah, travellin' so high
Everybody knows my troubles with God
Everybody knows my troubles with God

Went for a trip the other day
My soul got happy and stayed all day
I might tip over soon, but what can i say?
As long as i feel sane i'm O.K

Oh lord yeah, travellin' so high
Oh lord yeah, travellin' so high
Everybody knows my troubles with God
Everybody knows my troubles with God

Went in a bad room and i stayed there too long
(I) Should've left when i knew something was wrong
Stuck in a vortex with a feeling of dread
Laid down in bed and (i) knew i was dead
___________________________________________


As you see i just took the original and twisted a bit around and added some more.
Need i say it's about the good and bad sides of psychedellic drugs?

Any opinions? Does it suck, or is it O.K?